Worse than Death
by Moonshine Wish
Summary: People say the worst thing that can happen is the end, but there are things that are much worse than the end. Not the type of tragedy you would expect.


**Moon: I don't own FushigiBoshi No FutagoHime. There is no 'happy' ending for this. I'm not going to write a sequel for this, so I'm sorry if you don't like it.  
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**Fine's POV**

"Good night Shade," I said as I walked out with him to his balloon. "I'll see you next week right?"

"Of course," he said kissing me on the cheek. "Next week is our engagement party after all, how can I miss it?" Even though we're still a little young, we've already decided that we love each other at the age of 15. "Are you sure that you'll be fine getting back?"

"Of course, it's me after all," I said smiling at Shade. He really needs to stop worrying, I can take care of myself. "I love you, Shade."

"Same here, until eternity," he said before softly kissing me on the lips. I stayed until I could no longer see the crescent shaped balloon. I can't wait until next week, even though it's not our actual wedding. Who knew that I would be so happy with someone loving me? It's such a wonderful feeling. I'm glad that I can experience it.

Suddenly a hand came from behind and grabbed me. I tried to scream, but there was a hand on my mouth. I kicked and kicked, but the person holding me was too strong. It all happened quickly, I was thrown into a metal crate, like one of those large shipping ones. I kicked and punched and scream. "HELP ME! LET ME OUT OF HERE! SOMEONE! LET ME OUT!" I kept screaming and banging on the metal until my throat dried up and I collapsed onto the cold steel. Where are they taking me? Why are they taking me somewhere? How am I going to get back? Shade, Rein, Mother, Father, have they realized that I'm not there yet?

After what felt like a decade, the crate finally opened again. I was thrown into the light. I wanted to run, I tried to run, but a man's hand slapped me hard and I just stayed on the ground as my cheek throbbed in pain. I looked around the room. Men in the same outfit. "This girl, is she really the heir?"

"She has to be, she was with that blasted prince of the Moon Kingdom."

"Enough!" A man that wore complete walked in front of me. I looked from his white shoes to his ice blue eyes. He simply looked at me as though he was disappointed and bored. "This is the princess and heir of the Sunny Kingdom? I expected more appearance wise, she doesn't really look the same as Elsa."

"Who are you? Why am I here?"

"There is no reason for you to know my name. You are here because you are my key to gaining the throne. Behave and I'll make sure that you have a chance of meeting your family right now," he said, curtly.

"What are you talking about? If I'm not there, there's someone to replace me, there's plenty of people who can take my spot as the heir," I said at him. "For someone who thinks that he has the upper hand, you sure are an idiot." He looked at me emotionless, as I looked at him smugly.

He stepped on me, pressing down all his weight onto me. I clenched my hand so I won't yell. If I yell right now, it could be all over. "Insults like that from someone like you at a time like this, well humans do cling to every bit of their wit in situations like this." He grabbed my shirt and threw me. "I'll allow you to live right now, be grateful. Someone get a chain on her, she is to never leave this room."

"Wait a minute! I want to know what your plan is!" He continued to walk away. "If I kill myself, then you can't get the crown." He stopped. Got it.

"There is nothing for you to kill yourself with," he said coolly. "Moreover, you wouldn't do that."

I grabbed my neck with both of my hands. "Try me." Before, I wanted to die, because I was lonely and thought no one needed me, then I abandoned those thoughts. But now, if I die, then I would be protecting something.

He sighed and gave up. "Fine then. You are to be missed by your parents, they will search and not find you here, in the Planet of Beginnings." That's on the other side of the universe compared to Mysterious Star! How can I get back? "When they lose all hope, I will appear and they will give me power and access to the Blessing of the Sun."

He left, leaving me in shock. I have to escape, or die. Hopefully I don't have to die just yet though, but with all these guards around the room, I doubt I can simply chock myself. I have to wait for a chance and get on a train to anywhere but here. I lifted the chain. A heavy metal, with a lock at my ankle. I could pick it, but I don't have a hairpin. Now I get what Rein said when she told me to always keep spare hair pins with me when I went out. With no other option, I just waited. For a long time.

The guards brought food, which was always gruel, and they stayed inside the room until it was time to sleep. When I went to the bathroom, the guards surrounded the exists until I left. Time past slowly and painfully. It felt like an eternity. It was a long time. I cried silently. When I didn't cry, I slept. When I didn't sleep, I ate. That's how I spent all my days while thinking about Shade and everyone. Whenever I went out of that room, it was because that person was too lazy to go see me himself. After a long time, I finally was able to carry out my plan. Thinking about everyone gives me strength, so I have to escape to see them.

I stole a bag that had a knife and some money in it, while the guards were distracted. When it was finally time to sleep, I stayed awake. Only one guard was outside the door. I picked the lock of my chain. For moments, all I could hear was the tiny prickles of metal aganist metal, until I heard a click. I removed the chain from my ankle and got out. Without the metal, my leg feels much lighter.

I slowly opened the door. Before the guard could notice, I quickly stabbed his arm and took his gun as he yelled out in pain. "SHE'S ESCAPING!" I ran as fast as I could, until I saw an open room with a window. There was no time for me to think. I opened the window and jumped.

I landed easily, but all I could see for miles was sand. I noticed a horse. Now's a really good time to learn how to ride a horse. I climbed up the horse as I saw people looking around. They don't look happy. I kicked the horse's stomach and just tried outrunning the group of guards running behind me. I repeating kicked the horse's stomach until I could no longer see the guards. Luckily, I saw a town of lights not far away. I patted the horse. "Thank you so much."

The horse nodded and left. I sighed. I'm not free just yet though. I walked to what looked like a train station, the ticket person finally gave me a ticket after getting bribed, but soon I was on a train to Mysterious Star. As I watched the planets and stars past by, I prayed, 'Please let nothing go wrong.' I want to see Rein, Mother, Father, Shade. I want to be back home and hug them and tell them how much I missed them. I looked at my fingers. They've gotten longer and thinner and my clothes are now tight and ripped. That's how I know, that it's been at least a few years since I was taken.

But since it's been years, would that mean that they forgot about me? Would they not recognize me as myself? I'm happy to be going home, but afraid and nervous. It long time for the train to stop, but compare to how long I was waiting in that cell, it felt so much shorter.

I stepped down from the train onto the platform in my bare feet. I pulled on my tight sleeves. Maybe I should get some new clothes then head over to the castle to see Shade. There was a shop right besides the train station. With the little money I had left, I spent it on a simple outfit and a pair of shoes.

I noticed that there were a bunch of people out and something that looks like a parade. Maybe today was the day of the Full Moon Festival? I walked over, to see Shade! He looks different than before, but I could tell that it was him. I wanted to move, but then a woman was next to him. They were happily chatting, smiling at each other. Then two kids ran up to Shade and he hugged them as he picked them up. In that instant, I could feel my heart drop and my blood ran cold. Why?

"Everyone, I'm happy to announce that today, we can celebrate the birthday of my first child, Prince Dusk. The festival today is for him and marks the day he is known as the Crowned Prince of the Moon Kingdom,"Shade said.

No, this can't be true. I clenched my hands into fists. But, no matter how I look at it, it is true. Shade got married and has kids. I could feel tears of frustration running down my cheeks. I sniffled and just ran, not wanting to see him.

I didn't know where I was going, my tears blocked my vision. I kept running, I didn't want to think I wanted to move. I want this pain to go away. It's even worse than when I was trapped in that cell. Why? Why didn't he wait? Was it because he knew that it was hopeless to keep looking for me? Or was it because his feelings weren't as strong as I thought they were? I just stopped and kept crying, not caring where I was. I was hurting too much. My heart was aching in pain, my throat was wanted to scream, my legs were shaking, I want Shade to be here and brush my tears away. Shade, why didn't you wait for me? Did you think that I wasn't coming back? I want Shade to be here, but at the same time, I feel like I never want to see him again.

I wiped my tears and realized that I was in the Jewelry Kingdom. Wow, I ran far. I forced myself to walk up to the castle. In a hoarse voice, I asked, "Where is Rein?" They lead me to her. How will she react? Will she have forgotten all about me too?

"Fine!" Arms hugged me tightly. I could feel happiness and relief through them. "Fine, you're finally back! We've never stopped searching for you, we always believe that we would find you and bring you back, but now you're here! I missed you so much, it's been 11 years and I can finally see you again." She was so worried. I managed to hug her back. It was warm... She looked at my face and realized something was wrong. "Is there something hurting? Are you hungry?" I just shook my head. "Looks like I can't help you by myself. Let's go see Mother and Father, they'll be happy to see you. Then we'll go see Shade too-"

"Not Shade." I knew that her eyes were looking at me in shock. "Please. I don't want to see Shade anymore." Even saying his name hurts.

"Come on, let's go home."

When we got to the Sunny Kingdom, Mother and Father ran to hug me and were crying tears of joy. At least my family didn't forget about me. By the time we reached dinner, Father said," Fine. I'm sorry to say this right when you've come home, but..." I stopped cutting my pot roast and looked at him. "We need to start planning your coronation. As you know, we were planning for you to have it when you were 20 but... things happened and now it's 6 years late."

I completely forgot about that. I was going to have my coronation to succeed the throne, after 2 years of me being married to Shade. I swallowed bile. I only wanted to rule if Shade was by my side, but I can't do that anymore. "Fine, you don't have to think about this right now. Just relax for a couple of days," Mother said kindly.

"No, this is important, so it would be best if I were to answer now. Even though I'm inexperienced, it's alright for someone like me?"

"Yes. It should be alright. Besides your Mother and I will still be around if you need any help, so will you become Queen?" I just looked down at my plate. I always thought that if I were Queen I would do a terrible job, because, well because of several things, but now... there's nothing left that I want to do. I can no longer be considered a child and play around like before. I missed out on 6 years of being a kid and 5 years of being a wild, independent young adult. I can't get those years back. "Fine?"

"I'll become Queen. I'm not going to regret this choice."

Before I even knew it, it was the day of my coronation. A beautiful gown was chosen, a party was planned afterward, everyone was walking into the castle happily, but something felt wrong. I brushed my hair with no one else in the room, because I said that I can dress myself. I sighed as I tried to make my hair look nice. My pigtails seem too childish, but I have no clue how to make a nice bun. I really want to cut my hair since it's long, but I think Rein would probably get mad at me later.

Then a pair of hands stroked my hair and quickly tied it up into a neat and elegant bun. "There, you look perfect."

That voice! I didn't want to turn around to see him. I don't want to look at him, so I just stared at my hands. My voice was even when I said, "How strange, I wouldn't expect you to know how to do a girl's hair. So what are you doing here?"

"I'm here because I was sent an invitation." He hugged me from behind and said,"I'm so glad that you're alright. How long have you been back?"

"A week," I said simply. I'm amazed that I haven't broke out in tears yet. Here I am with the person who I love, who I can't be with. Now what will he say?

"You should have come and visit."

"I just thought that your wife would have been upset if I said, 'hi, I'm your husband's friend who he was suppose to marry. I really like your dress.'" He didn't say anything."When I saw that, I thought that you already announced that it was over, when I wasn't here. Does that mean that promise we made about how we love each other means nothing?"

"Fine, I searched for you. I looked anywhere where you might be, but...I couldn't not get married to her. I said that if our engagement party went well then there was no need for her to be here, but then you went missing. Fine, it's been 11 years, I-"

" I get it." Tears were falling onto my hands. I have no other choice but to acknowledge the truth, no matter how much it hurts. "I get it. You look like you really love her and your kids. I'm happy for you."

"Fine, that's not it. I love you. More than anything-"

His words sound so sincere, but I can't. I just can't. "Shade, I want to be with you, I've thought about it since we knew that we loved each other, that's how I tried hard to think of a plan to get out of there. I wanted to get married to you and have kids and be together. But, we can't be together, meaning we can't love each other."

"Fine, I'm sorry."

I finally turned around. He looked like he was regretting everything and he looked so sad. "Shade, you know, I believe in reincarnations. We may not have time anymore in this life, but, as foolish as it sounds, I believe that we can be reborn and live again." He looked at me. I smiled. Knowing that he once loved me so much, is good enough for me.

"Then the next time we meet, I hope we can be together in that life," he said wiping my tears. "I hope that you'll rule well, Queen Fine."

I watched him as he walked out the door. I just let the guy that I love go. I'm an idiot. I don't even know if there's such a thing as resurrection and it looked like Shade was willing to give up his wife and kids just to be with me. I'm such an idiot, a lying, naive idiot. I wiped my tears and got changed. I can't go back from my decision now.

I walked out smiling into the throne room. People looked at me happily as I walked towards Mother, Father, and a Counselor of the Elders of the Universe. I swear there's no reason for them to be here, but since I can't become Queen without their approval, there's no choice. I got down onto my knees in front of them. "Today, I declare that our princess becomes Queen," Father said. "Will you uphold the name of Queen? And swear to serve your country well?"

I said the two words that I wanted to say at my wedding with Shade. "I do." The crown was lifted from Mother's head and placed onto my head.

"Today, I declare that the Queen and Ruler of the Sunny Kingdom of Mysterious Star is Fine. The Elders of the Universe approved of you and wish you everlasting peace for your rule, Queen Fine," he said.

"Thank you very much." I stood and everyone bowed down. "I am inexperienced, but I swear that I will serve the Sunny Kingdom well, in my time as Queen." I have no choice, since I have told my lie. I can't love Shade. It's too late to go back, but thinking about it now, there was never really was a choice for me. I won't blame that man who kidnapped me, wasn't it my fault in the end? Since I didn't let Shade walk me back that night. I really hate myself. I wonder if I will ever be able to forgive myself.

_Fine ruled well as Queen, she still loved Shade, until her last breath. Even then, she didn't forgive herself for letting the person she loved go. That's why she always looked sad as though she regretted something. Her eyes carried a painful and deep loneliness. But once a choice is made, it is written in stone and there's no turning back. No matter how much one wants to reverse the clock. _


End file.
